


danganronpa but it's reality show

by turtlebish



Series: My weird parody/crack fics [8]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Crack, Parody, Swearing, and they all tryna kill each other, everyone's a bitch, kaede is a bitch, lots of swearing, shuichi is a bitch, you die you lose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 19:16:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21020885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtlebish/pseuds/turtlebish
Summary: this is fucking wild





	danganronpa but it's reality show

**Author's Note:**

> i made deltarune but it's reality show, now time for danga

danganronpa but it's reality show

camera starts with shuichi on outside

** shuichi**: so uh hi im shuichi and uhh

**KAEDE, SHOUTING FROM WINDOW:** NAGITO LOCKED UP HIMSELF IN THE FUCKING BATHROOM

**SHUICHI:** NOT FUCKING AGAIN

** narrator:** BUNCH OF TEENAGERS LEFT THEIR HOUSES TO LIVE 2 MONTHS IN A BIG ASS HOUSE COMPLETELY ON THEIR OWN, WITHOUT ANE PARENT OR GUARDIAN, HOW IT WILL GO!??!?!?!

Shuichi storms to house, camera follows him now he's in front of the bathroom, together with other folks

**SHUICHI:** OPEN THE FUCK UP OR I AM SO DESTROYING THESE DOOR.

**NAGITO:** YOU WON'T DO IT YOU FUCKING BITCHCAKE, IT'S THE ONLY BATHROOM IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

**MAKI:** LET'S FUCKING DO IT

Camera man steps back and everyone kicks out the fucking door, and then zooms to nagito in the shadows, hissing

** NAGITO:** YOU WON'T CATCH ME FUCKING ALIVE

he sprints out bathroom and jumps out the window

**KAEDE:** WELL BYE BITCH

**kaito:** okay but who's repairing these fucking door

**kaede:** haha not me

later, kokichi opens the fridge, but shuts it angrily

** KOKICHI:** WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY PANTA!?!?!

** MAKI:** NOBODY WOULD TAKE THAT SHIT.

KOKICHI: THEN WHY IS IT NOT HERE?!?!

** KAITO:** STOP SHOUTING AT MAKI YOU PIECE OF SHIT

**KIIBO:** SHUT THE FUCK UP IM TRYING TO READ

** KAEDE:** GO READ IN ANOTHER ROOM.

next day

** SHUICHI:** YOU DID FUCKING WHAT?!?!?!?

** RANTARO:** CHILL IT WAS JUST SHORT KISS

**SHUICHI:** SHORT KISS MY ASS, KAEDE IS MY GF

**KAEDE:** NO I AM FUCKING NOT YOU PIECE OF SHIT OF A NERD, I WAS FUCKING JOKING WITH YOU

**SHUICHI:** *SLAPS KAEDE*

**MAKI:** OH YOU PIECE OF FUCK *KICKS SHUICHI*

alone on camera

**shuichi:** and then kaede says she's been dating me for a fucking prank, and then this fucking slut just hit me???!? like wtf was her even problem!?!?

alone on camera but it's maki

**MAKI:** AS IF IM GONNA LET THAT CUCK USE VIOLENCE ON MY WATCH SMH

alone on camera but it's kaede

**KAEDE:** I AM SO BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM BOTH. YES BOTH. SHUICHI FOR SLAPPING ME, AND MAKI FOR HUMILIATING ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT I NEEDED HELP AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DAMSEL.

next day shuichi walks through the door, but suddenly bucket with mud falls on him

**SHUICHI:** OH WHAT THE FUCK

**KAEDE, RECORDING IT:** YOU DON'T MESS WITH ME YOU FUCKING BITCH

**HIMIKO:** WIG SNATCHED

**SHUICHI:** GIVE ME THAT FUCKING PHONE

**KAEDE:** NO WAY SLUT

Kaede runs off

later that day

** kaede, together with tenko on computer kaede:** aight now just convert that shit and post it on

**tenko:** dang ya

**kaito, comes to room:** oh hey whats up, who's life you're destroying now?

**kaede:** shuichi's lmao

**kaito:** sweet whatcha got there

**kaede:** good ol prank with bucket

**kaito:** ahh old but still can go

**kaede:** aight it's done, didn't u have more followers btw?? go retweet that

** kaito:** aight aight

later

**SHUICHI:** THIS BITCH POSTED IT, I AM SO GONNA KILL HER.

???: no way little bitchcake, that thot isn't worth it...

**SHUICHI:** WHO IS IT!?!?

** NAGITO:** IT'S A ME.

**shuichi:** okay nvm i don't wanna hear anything from u, just go

somewhere else

**kaito:** aight who we're cancelling next

**tenko:** nagito, he's a fuckin weirdo

**kaede:** k this gonna be easy "omg this dude just tried to grab my boob?? and later i left my drink with him, i come back, and now it's drugged? ? thank god i was with my friends holy fuck" aight

**kaito:** wig snatched

** tenko:** next is kokichi 

**kaede:** aight with what should we come up for him

**tenko:** say he works at walmart

** kaede:** what

**kaito:** say he murdered his neighbour's dog

**kaede:** better

**tenko:** say he's walmart worker who murdered AND fucked his neighbour's dog

**kaede:** hmm

**kaito:** and also pedo

**KAEDE:** BINGO

later

** KOKICHI:** UMMM HI, CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY TF IM GETTING SO MANY DEATH THREATS ON PMS????

** KAEDE:** OH BOY, HOW COULD IT HAPPEN

**NAGITO:** UM SAME?? SOMEONE EVEN SAID THEY'LL CALL POLICE ON ME

**SHUICHI:** KAEDE TF DID U DO

**KAEDE:** OH ME??!?

**SHUICHI:** SHE JUST POSTED PRANK ON ME THIS DAY

**KAEDE:** UHHUH YEAH YOU DESERVED THAT, YOU SLAPPED ME

**NAGITO:** *GASPS* EVERY WOMAN IS QUEEN

**SHUICHI:** IFF SHE BREATHESSS, SHE'S A ASFD NSD THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

** narrator:** AND IN THE NEXT EPISODE

**kiibo:** aight, who votes to fuckin kick out kaito, tenko and kaede outta the house

**MAKI:** WHO VOTES TO SHUT THE FUCK UP KIIBO? SHUICHI SLAPPED KAEDE FOR NO REASON, HE SHOULD BE THE GETTING HIS ASS KICKED

**KOKICHI:** YEAH BUT KAEDE HAD NO REASON TO BE AN ASS TO ME OR NAGITO

**KAITO:** NOBODY CARES ABOUT NAGITO

NARRATOR: EVEN MORE DRAMA

** kaito:** maki, i think im pregnant... and shuichi is the father

**maki:** *spits out the fucking tea*

NARRATOR: AND MORE DRAMA

** nagito, coming out of the trash:** yoU Can tRASH me... you cAN lAUGH at me... bUT nONE OF u,,, will take my pRIDE AWAY...

narRATOR: WATCH NEXT WEEK, "BUNCH OF TEENAGERS TRYIN TO FUCKIN KILL EACH OTHER"

ending scene, featuring one last preview

**everyone:** ...

**everyone:** SANS?!!?!?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> what the fuck  
might update one day


End file.
